Awakening

While receiving reiki the other day, I felt awakened.  What does that mean?  It means that as I have worked for years to shed the skin of my past and start anew, my hard work is paying off.  I have done (and am doing) the therapy.  I have changed the cycle.  I have come to appreciate my uniqueness and celebrate myself.  However, there were things I was still holding on to.  For instance, the need to clean.  Constantly.  As I sat in the chair feeling the energy flow through me, my mind drifted to how clean my home is going to look in a few years when the kids are gone and how sad I will be.  Awakened to how wonderful my life is now.  It isn't that I haven't realized or thought these things before.  However, the thoughts seem to be inhabiting me where before they would flutter in and out.

Life is not perfect and I am in pain but that isn't the point.  The importance of being awake in this life is to be present in the moment we are given.  Whether that be in horrific pain and realizing that you are strong enough to handle it or sitting at the dinner table appreciating the love of your partner and children.  I think that it is a concept that we all want to utelize but we don't.  The demands of work, partners, children, and friends have us thinking into next month while today whittles away.  As we lay in bed trying to sleep, the day is measured in what we accomplished, a mental list is made of what was missed, and there usually isn't time in those listings for gratitude and peace in that we had a day.  We were given one more spin on the earth.  One more hug from our children, loved one, friend...

As I have lived through the last 8 years, much of my time was spent regretting the things I wasn't able to or couldn't do.  I allowed times of my life to be consumed with guilt, frustration, loneliness, and anger.  While I think that all of that is perfectly reasonable and expected, I missed out a bit on myself and those around me.  The awakening I am speaking of now isn't just one of appreciating what I have in this life, it is the discovery of who I am and what brings me joy.  It is understanding and believing that I bring joy to others.  

Today, I spent a little while in the garden and felt alive and grateful.  I was able to focus on that moment and let everything else I was trying to accomplish today sit on the back shelf.  I have been trying to practice this for awhile now and am just beginning to realize the joy that can come from being in the moment.  Sometimes it isn't joy - it is pain, frustration, and sadness that comes to us as we live in the present and that is okay!  Each moment of our lives is not going to be filled with joy - it isn't possible.  However, if we learn to live in the moment we will find peace.  We will find joy.  We will realize that being present is more important than planning the future because even in the sadness or frustration, we are experiencing life as it is.  Those imperfect moments make the wonderful, joyful moments even better.