Helplessness. It seems to be an overwhelming feeling that many people with chronic illnesses experience. We are helpless to stop the pain. We are helpless to push our doctors to act. We are at the mercy of the scheduling department and availability to see our doctors. Many of which are specialists that can take months to get in to see. On our worst days, we are helpless in our ability to care for ourselves.
As I sat here this evening, unable to sleep (gotta love insomnia), trimming box tops for education for my children's school, I reflected on my own issues with helplessness. I spent years fighting the feelings of helplessness only to fall into the pit of despair as I couldn't accomplish what I thought I should be able to as a woman in my early 30's. This pit kept me from being helpful at times because I didn't feel I could do enough. I didn't want to volunteer someplace - I wanted a job. I couldn't have a job but that didn't stop me from feeling that I should have a job - that I should be working.
I was helpless. Helpless to contribute to my family's financial well being. I thought about volunteering but dismissed the idea because who could use me if I could only offer an hour a week? Who would want a volunteer that needed to work from home?
Well, I have learned that I am wrong about many things over the last 7 years. I am not helpless though I feel that way at times. I have worth and value whether you calculate it by my salary or by the love that others experience when I reach out to them. There are plenty of organizations that are thankful for an hour a week and there are things I can do from home. I don't have to spend my time watching television, reading books or waiting for my copy of AARP (which I cannot receive for another 19 years anyway).
Contact your local schools and offer to help with their PTA/PTO or at the school. You might be surprised at how excited they are to have someone come in and check in books in the library for an hour a week. There are also many things that can be done from home - press releases for events, clipping and organizing box tops, researching which online company will give the school the best fundraiser.
Contact the ASPCA or local animal shelter, your local library or museum. Again, an hour there makes a difference.
Yes, we may not be able to work 40 hours a week. We may not be able to work 20 or 10 or 5. Perhaps we cannot leave the house. But we can find ways to contribute and in doing so, we receive much more benefit than the organization we are helping. I know that having to quit working was an emotionally crippling event. I mourned my career and a job for a few years. It took me a long time to believe that volunteering was a worthwhile adventure.
And an adventure I have had. One of the wonderful aspects of volunteering is that you do it when you can. Thus, no bosses angry that you had to cancel or reschedule. I have had to reschedule a few things and the people I was working with were generous and kind. They were so happy to see me next time and each volunteering opportunity reminds me that I have worth and value. That I can contribute to my community. I refuse to be defined by my illness and pain and volunteering allows me to prove that in a tangible way. It has been extremely fulfilling for me and hopefully for the organizations I have helped.
We are lucky to have you when we can, Tamara! An hour of your time is invaluable! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kim - that means a lot coming from you!
ReplyDeleteSometimes volunteering is a bigger job than one that gets paid, both in the way it makes you feel when you finish the task given to you and in the hours that you spend on it (even if it is done out of your bed.) I know that I handed my torch off to someone who can fill my shoes and make the same kind of fundraisers a success. We are very happy to have you and the work you do is valuable and amazing to me knowing how you feel each day makes it that much more valuable in my eyes!
ReplyDeleteThanks Alicia! But no one could ever fill your shoes :)
ReplyDelete~Zip