Do I really have anything to say? What if no one reads this? What if someone focuses on my grammatical mistakes? It has been a few years now since I was writing long papers in college.
The impetus that brought about this post was me taking a chance and posting a note on facebook about an experience in my life. See, I live with chronic pain. Not the kind of pain where a few advil will take care of it. The pain that morphine doesn't touch. Visits to the ER are fruitless, hospitalizations don't ease the pain, and we are all left standing scratching our head wondering, "Now what?". I have chiari, fibromyalgia and arthritis in my hips. That is the tip of the iceberg but I don't want to give away all the surprises in my 13 inch medical file all at once. For all those wondering, 1. No, I didn't use medication so often that it became ineffective 2. I don't frequent the ER as a drug seeker (I have been to the ER 3 times in the last year two of which were in the last week) 3. Yes, I am not kidding that morphine, fentanyl, dilaudid, oxycodone etc. don't work for me. 4. The doctors think it could be a genetic issue that causes my body to not respond to medication or the other theory is that my body's chemistry was radically altered as a result of serious prolonged child abuse.
Now on to the fun parts. Being in pain has increased my normally sarcastic self and elevated it to an artform that many would aspire to. I have also realized the importance of the "little" things most people take for granted: walking, folding laundry, making lunch, playing with my kids, sitting through a concert or a movie, leaving the house. I have had to quit working and now spend my time volunteering as a kick ass fundraiser. (just because I have spent most of the last month in bed does not mean I should lose all self esteem - I kick ass at fundraising).
I have come to see my "calling" (no, there were not angels or choirs involved) as being a voice for the voiceless. An advocate for those living with and suffering from invisible illnesses: Chiari, Fibromyalgia, RA, Arthritis, Lupus, Lyme disease, Chron's, Diabetes, PTSD....
It is not that I believe I am the most qualified. I just believe I have the chance to be the loudest. See, one of my absolute best friends in the universe is Laura. She could get everyone's attention at a Packers game. Shy and quiet she is not. I am channeling her skills to keep me going and help get the attention that those living in silence, not looking sick but feeling horrible, need and deserve.
You go girl! Zipperhead rocks!
ReplyDeleteI have known her for several years and I am constantly amazed by how she how she plods through life with so much crap thrown in her way. Yet she remains a selfless, wise, giving person who has enriched my life profoundly.
Zip, I'm glad you've decided to write about your experiences. As rotten as they have been, you have gained a sharp wit and deep insight into what is important in life. I'll be reading every post.