Coping because you have no other choice

I leaned over the dishwasher to retrieve some spoons and my glasses immediately fogged up impeding my view of anything.  I said to Tim, "I don't know how you deal with having glasses! [I just started wearing them last July]  Doesn't it drive you crazy?"  He responded that you learn to cope when you have no other options.

How true.

It immediately hit me that this needed to be a blog posting.  Many have said to me, "how do you cope" and I have said over and over that you don't have a choice - you either cope or die.  It is a choice between living happily, living in bed or literally dying.

There are many who would go crazy with the doctors appointments, the hands not working like they are supposed to, the hair falling out, the inability to recall words, the constant pain, the numerous medications and strict adherence to a schedule for them, the days that you are stuck in bed.  Yes, many would not be able to cope with that life.  But, what choice do you really have?

Coping for me is not an option.  I don't have the luxury of saying that I can't cope.  I either cope or I die.  While that might sound dramatic, I don't mean it to - it is simply reality.  If I cannot cope with the pain and limitations of my life, then the depression will swallow me and I will end up committing suicide as so many living with chronic pain have done.
That is not an option for me.

So, I choose to keep going.  I choose to volunteer.  I have to remind Tim and those who love me to let me keep going even when I am in pain and they want me to sit down because sometimes I need to feel useful more than I need to cope with the pain.

It takes a great deal of work to learn coping skills and to apply them.  Sadly I learned many of mine through a very horrific childhood.  However, I have added many coping skills to my bag of tricks by having a great therapist, learning the importance of breathing, and doing my best to be educated on my illness.  A large part of coping is accepting the choices we are given and the choices we make.   Sometimes we are given crappy choices such as lying in bed or lying on the sofa.  It is in the subtlety of that decision that my coping shines through.  I choose the bed because both my kids and I can fit on it and we can have a picnic supper.  It doesn't mean that I don't wish for different choices but wishing doesn't make it happen and focusing on what I don't have keeps me from coping and accepting what I do have.

Thankfully, I have a great husband, wonderful kids, and amazing friends who make my coping easier.  While it is something I have to do, you have all chosen to take the journey with me and that has made all the difference.