I used to be skinny...

Every person I know who has chronic pain is struggling with their weight.  Many of the medications used to deal with chronic pain have weight gain as a side effect.  Not to mention, being in constant pain does not lend itself well it to exercising.

This has a horrible effect on our self-esteem which is usually fragile to begin with as we have lost so much of ourselves in the pain cycles.  We can eat so carefully and sometimes dangerously few calories and yet the weight continues to pile on thanks to medications.  Shopping becomes worse than doctors appointments as there are few plus size "designers" who do more than put a trash bag over you.  Not to mention that the plus size options are so limited in stores.
Many who deal with chronic pain cannot handle anything tight or remotely form fitting so I know many of us end up wearing large, baggy t-shirts and sweatshirts with baggy cotton yoga pants.  While that is great for around the house, when you do feel well enough to go out - there are few options and you usually end up leaving the house feeling like you are wearing a horrible cotton mumu.

I find that when my pain is intense, I don't eat as healthy as I should.  I crave carbs - pasta, breads, cakes, cookies, oatmeal, rice.  I don't long for salads and healthy soups.  I want comfort food as I want to be comforted from the pain and the last two months have been brutal.  Since my journey began when I was diagnosed with chiari in October of 2003, I have gained almost 100 pounds when I was at my heaviest last January.

So, today (despite Sunday's post) I am getting back on the wagon.  Last year, I lost 36 pounds before August 1st and kept it off.  It was through sheer determination and careful eating as I don't really exercise.  I mean, I clean the house, do laundry, take care of the kids, dog, husband, and volunteer which keeps me busy but these are not cardiovascular activities.  I do yoga but not on a regular schedule.  So, since I have been disciplined about the blog, I can be disciplined about yoga and eating healthy.  I have gained 7 pounds back since being admitted to the hospital on 2/11 due to a new medication whose most prominent side effect is weight gain. UGH.  And, I have been eating comfort food.  (It is called that for a reason!)

My goal for this year is to lose 36 pounds before July 1st.  Which if I attain this goal, I will have lost more than half of what I have gained over the last 8 years in less than 2 years!

I am sharing all of this with you for a couple of reasons.
1. It is an issue that most people dealing with chronic pain face.
2. I am hoping that you can help me stay on the wagon.

When you have an invisible illness you lose so much of yourself: career, physical abilities, metal abilities, friends, family, and your physical self changes.  I miss my old self and while I cannot have it back (I will never be running again with my husband) I can try to lose a few more pounds and feel better about myself.  It will be extremely difficult as I cannot stop my medication so I will need to be strict with my diet and yoga but I know that it will be good for me.  The body won't have to lug around as much weight and I will be happier fitting into clothing that I like.  Most importantly, it will be something that I took back from the chronic pain...it might still be the dictator of how I feel but not how I look!