The top 20 List of things I am tired of hearing

I saw a short list on the spoonie site and thought I would personalize the list of things I am sick of hearing.  I know that people mean well.  I know that they are just trying to help.  But seriously, I am tired of hearing the following "helpful" tips:

1. Have you prayed for healing? (yes and the answer I got was "suck it up")
2. Have you googled your illness? (nope. never thought of it)
3. Have you talked to a specialist? (which one?  I have many)
4. Are you taking vitamin D? (yes. But maybe if I also apply self tanner I can convince myself I am not sick)
5. Are you sure it is Chiari? (yes, but thanks for doubting numerous neurologists and neurosurgeons)
6. Have you tried the diet for fibromyalgia? (which one - there are hundreds that claim to work)
7. Have you tried different medications? (no.  Still taking the exact same ones 9 years later - should I have tried others?????)
8. Have you went to church? (yep.  Held the snake too - didn't work)
9. Have you meditated? (yes.  Helps keep me from punching you but doesn't seem to stop the pain)
10. Have you tried yoga? (yes. Helps relax me a bit but doesn't end the pain.  Perhaps I am doing it wrong)
11. Maybe you are just stressed out. (You think?  If only I didn't have chronic pain I wouldn't be stressed out...)
12. Have you tried to get into any trial studies?  (I have chiari - they don't make mediation to shrink your brain)
13. You should try hypnosis. (You should walk away quickly before I say something I will regret)
14. Maybe if you lived in a warmer climate. (I will do that as soon as I win the lottery and can have Tim stop working)
15. Have you tried the magnetic bracelets yet?  I saw them on television and they really work. (Well if it is on television it must work!)
16. A glass of wine in the evenings would help you sleep. (So would a pint of vodka but my doctor has this thing about my kidneys and liver staying healthy...)
17. Maybe if you tried to do less. (Today my goal was to get breakfast - so I should starve???  Hmm.)
18. Maybe if you lost a few pounds you would feel better.  (First, thanks for calling me fat. Second, medications pack on the weight. Third, I would love to exercise but am in constant pain. Fourth, Seriously, thanks for calling me fat.)
19. I will pray for you.  (thanks because my praying about it clearly isn't as good as your praying about it)
20. Have you tried feng shui?  (yes, and the moving of my bed, bookcases, piano, sofa, and chairs sent my pain through the roof.)

I am sure that everyone has had stupid things said to them but I have to say, you would be amazed at some of the things I hear.  I am not joking when I say that the last time I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, a nurse asked me if perhaps a walk around the halls would make me feel better.  Seriously?  Walking?  If only I utilized that to get from place to place instead of the crawling I have been doing.  No wonder my hands, knees and elbows are so dry!