Tribute to my Doctor

I debated writing this piece for awhile as I didn't want to brag about how good I have it regarding my doctor when I know so many are struggling.  However I want to honor someone who has so dramatically changed the care I have received and the outcome of my health.  I also want to remind those struggling that there are amazing doctors out there - you just need to keep looking.

One of the most difficult aspects of dealing with chronic pain is having doctors who don't understand.  I have heard so many horror stories from patients whose doctors not only lacked compassion but they also lacked the knowledge required to treat chronic pain.  In my lifetime, I have had experience with those doctors.  However, that all changed in October 2005.

I remember the first time I met her.  I was working as a nurses aide in the ICU as I was in nursing school at the time.  There was a patient there who I had become attached to.  I always talked to him whether he was awake or not, alert or in a comatose state which sadly, he often was.  His case was extensive and his body failing him.  His wife was such a sweetheart and she clearly loved him deeply.  Anyway, Dr. B had come in on a Sunday to see him and visit with him.  I happened to be at his room when she came in and I spoke with her briefly before she entered his room.
I was immediately struck by the fact that Dr. B was listening to me - actively and genuinely listening to an aide talk about her patient.  I was also shocked when she asked to be called by her first name.  In my experience, the only doctors that choose to be called by their first names are those who don't have a God complex.  Thus, there are few.  Ironically, they are all doctors who (mostly) are working in palliative care or chronic pain.  Perhaps it is they who realize best that medicine is an art, not a science, and that all the degrees in the world cannot stop suffering and death.

Anyway, I was currently searching for a gp as I had only been in the area for a few months and asked if her practice was open and she said it was.  I saw her just a few weeks later and my life has not been the same since.

It had only been 5 months that she had been my doctor when my life began to spiral out of control.  Being in nursing school and working full time had been taking a toll on my body and my mind finally could not fend off the pain.  I suppose it didn't help that I was only a year and a half out of having my first brain surgery and I had stubbornly refused to take enough time off to heal from it.  I knew what the risks were when I decided to go to nursing school but I wanted it so badly.  I knew that I had a unique perspective coupled with massive amounts of compassion and tenacity that would allow me to really make a difference for my patients.  However, my body couldn't take it.  The headaches were beyond out of control and had been for months.  The other symptoms of chiari were also intense and I couldn't deny them any longer.  I had tried for over a year to not have chiari.  I somehow thought that if I could just will it away or ignore it I could continue my life as planned.  I was wrong.

I was immensely depressed and had gone to Ohio to be with family as my life was crumbling before my eyes.  A family member suggested that I call my doctor at home (it was a Sunday) and share with her how dire the situation was.  I couldn't fathom calling a doctor at home and I assumed she was unlisted.  I was wrong - on both counts.  Not only did she talk with me that night for over an hour, we came up with a plan, called prescriptions in and over the next month that I remained in Ohio, we had numerous phone conversations.  She didn't bill insurance for this.  She didn't ask about being compensated for her time.  All she truly cared about was that I was getting a little pain relief and that I was not suicidal as I had been and was receiving the help I needed to cope with such massive life changes.

Since 2005, She has come to my aid many times.  She has changed her schedule, found openings for me when no one else could, given up sleep, driven to my home on a couple occasions and dramatically changed the life of myself and my family.  There are extremely few people in my life that I trust completely and she is one of them.  She inspires me to continue on bad days, comforts me when I am losing it, and truly cares about my health - in all its forms.  How am I doing as a Mom?  Wife?  Friend?  Those questions are important to her as she has such an amazing grasp on how chronic pain affects every aspect of our life and the lives of those who love us.

She acknowledges when something is out of her comfort zone and never hesitates to consult with another doctor.  This willingness to seek answers from colleagues has led to me meeting the best pain doctors and amazing neurologists and neurosurgeons who have also changed my life for the better.  The tenacity with which she controls my medication has kept my liver functioning when other doctors would have just continued to throw medications at a problem whether the issues were resolving or not.  I see it in many patients of chronic pain.  The doctors prescribe medication, the patients take it and whether it gets better or not, they continue to run on this wheel of prescribing medication, taking medication, damaging liver, still being in pain and back to the beginning for more and/or different medication.

Her gift to me of advocacy is one that I will never be able to repay and her time with me is truly invaluable.  There is no amount of money that I could ever give her that would pay for her compassion, knowledge, and fierce advocacy.  She is a large part of why I want to get my MS in public health and change the way we deal with chronic and invisible illnesses.  Her tireless advocacy inspires me and reminds me that one person can change the world - at least the world of another.

My doctor is my advocate, my guardian, and my friend.  I am honored and humbled to be her patient.