It's my birthday

For 36 years and 364 days I dreaded my birthday.  I hated it.  But this year, that changed.

See, my biological mother left when I was 18 months old.  My biological father was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive.  Foster parents were unkind and uninterested in me - I was but a monthly paycheck.  Every year, I would wonder what the point of celebrating a day was when the people who brought me into this world didn't want me and their abuse left me with the physical issues that I have now.

My Mom who adopted me at 18 (we are so alike it is scary) told me year after year that it was a day to celebrate what joy I brought to others.  To celebrate the life I was living despite obstacles.  It was a day that she treasured because without that day, I would not be here and she would not have me.

I fought against her reasoning for years.  I never saw anything special in what I had to offer.  I know lots of kind, funny, loving people and I never saw what made me special.  Especially once I was diagnosed with chiari, I had even more difficulty finding a point to my life.  There were so many things I could not do - I couldn't be the Mom, friend, and wife that I thought I should be.  I dreaded this day every year until now.

As I have examined my chronic pain, my life, my relationships and made evaluations of those things over the last 8 years, I have come to appreciate the wonder that I am.  No, I don't believe that I am some sort of super woman who should be worshipped (well, maybe once in awhile) but I have come to see the amazingly resilient person I am.  I fought against all the odds - went to college, never had a drug or alcohol problem, had children and stopped the cycle of abuse, have been married for 16 and 1/2 years.  I might not receive paychecks or have a great job title but what I do for others, the love I offer to others, and the loyalty I give to my friends and family has worth.  My life and what I have to offer others is enriched because of the obstacles I have overcome.  What I offer to others is my unique perspective.  It is snarky, funny, loving, kind, loyal, dependable, joyful, and honest.

So, on this, my birthday, I celebrate my life.  I celebrate the amazing people who make my life worth living and who fill my days with wonder, joy, and love.